I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
