So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
