Swine flu. Run for my life!
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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