I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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