there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Fuck appropriateness.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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