forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
