I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
