your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We have started to decorate penises.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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