just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
