Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I have fence marks all over my body
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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