We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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