She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
