My first STD was from a foam party
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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