When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
