Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
