All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
sex in a hospital.. check
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
