I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
