before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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