matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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