your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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