Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
