I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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