I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
