also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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