i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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