Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how

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(513): View more from Ohio

Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car

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(415): View more from California

I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.

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(858): View more from California

Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"

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(562): View more from California

youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.

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(770): View more from Georgia

Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways

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