The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You took a bar mat shot.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
