I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
