Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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