Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
