i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
