For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
