Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
