guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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