we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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