U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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