Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
