Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
