we were pretty classy up until the second keg
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
