Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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