Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
