pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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