OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
honey bunches of taint.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize