Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
