I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
