I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
