Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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