So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
