OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he thought i was a dude.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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