I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
