There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
