Me. At least after what I've been through.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
