There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
