if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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