Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Randomize
