Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
