i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
