A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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