I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
