Jerry, you need to find god
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
