Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
