Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
