So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
