just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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