Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You ruined the universe
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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