i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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