I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
