a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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