My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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