He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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